The Return of Dr 666
by Maia Webmistress
Summary: The long awaited (okay, maybe not) sequel to the 'Curse of Dr. 666' with even more craziness. He's back, folks, just like he promised! Prepare for mass insanity... (appearances of various animes in story)
1. One Helluvan Adventure

Title: The Return of Dr. 666   
Author: Lee and Maia   
Rating: PG-13   
Description: Dr. 666 returns. Can't get much more detailed than that, folks. ^_^   


"It's a lazy, precariously placed coffee table danglin' afternoon."   
Maia sat at her computer, typing in some things while Lee slouched on the couch, holding the precariously placed coffee table by one of the legs and dangling it just a couple of centimeters from the floor. Maia turned around.   
"What in heaven's name are you doing?"   
When there was no answer, Maia got up and went to stand in front of Lee. Waving a hand in front of Lee's face, she snorted when nothing happened. Poking Lee on the shoulder, she arched an eyebrow as Lee fell over. Maia sighed and left the room, coming back with Sephiroth a moment later.   
"She's broken! Fix her!"   
Sephiroth's eyebrows raised. "A person can break?"   
"Yes. Fix her! Now!"   
"How?"   
"I dunno!" Maia stomped off and scowled at her computer. Sephiroth kneeled in front of Lee and stared at her dead face.   
"How to fix... How to fix?" He scratched his head for a moment, then smiled at her. "Hey, there, Lee!" he said in his most "winning" tone.   
Lee suddenly jumped awake. "Hi!"   
Sephiroth yelped and fell backwards. Lee smiled.   
"What happened to you?" Sephiroth asked.   
"Well, you see, sometimes my mind just kinda goes 'Whoo!'! I mean, it just kind of—" She broke off and a dead look rose on her face again.   
"Lee?" Sephiroth asked, completely confused. Lee suddenly shook herself awake.   
"Woah. How long was I out?"   
"Approximately five stretches of ten seconds with three second breaks," Maia answered dully, watching her computer. Sephiroth and Lee sweatdropped and shrugged, Lee placing a hand on the back of her neck.   
"Let's go Sephy!" Lee suggested, taking his hand and running off, dragging him along.   
Maia sat at her computer, typing things and watching the screen. Suddenly, a tiny morphine needle popped up in another window. She sighed, "I hate pop-ups," and closed the window with a "Die!". Another one, exactly the same, popped up. She jabbed the X button and made it go away. Another, exactly the same, popped up.   
"Oh my God! The pop-ups are attacking! ... Oh, wait, no.... Oh my God! Dr. 666 is back!" She arched an eyebrow. "Wait, if he's back, his supply of morphine must be replenished. But, I cut off his supply from the Escaflowne world. Hmmm...."   
Suddenly, the phone rang. Maia picked it up and held it to her ear.   
_"I know what you did last su—"_   
She heard a beep and interrupted. "Just a sec, I'm getting another call." She switched lines. "Hello?"   
"This is the Escaflowne world! I am.... Mr. Van."   
"Oh, hey Van."   
"Shh! I'm not Van! I'm MISTER Van."   
"Sure Big V. Anyways, what's up?"   
"Well, you know that little dude with the stuff and the... things? Well, he came and did.. stuff with the... things and... yeah."   
Maia sweatdropped and rolled her eyes. "In coherent language, please?"   
"Well, the little dude with... stuff... and..."   
"Arg, whatever. I'll get it eventually."   
She heard from the other side, a slight quarrel, then Hitomi's voice came on over the line. "Hey, Maia! What Van—"   
"That's Mr. Van!"   
"Whatever. Well, what he was trying to say is that Dr. 666 came and stole a huge supply of our morphine. It was crazy!"   
"Hmm... Well, thanks. I'd better get back to my other call. Bye."   
"'Later."   
Maia switched lines back to the other. "Hey. Start again please, um... Who were you again?"   
_"I know what you did last su—"_   
"Hey, oh, jeez, you know, I gotta go. Let's continue this conversation later. Call me back, okay?" She hung up.   
Leaving the room and going into the hallway, she started screaming, "Lee!? Lee!!!???"   
She heard Lee and Sephiroth, downstairs, yelling, "Kuja? Oh, Kuja!?"   
Maia sighed and turned on the speaker phone. "Kuja's not here. He went home. He said he needed to see his mom."   
"Aww... And we wanted to pull out his feathers and tickle him. We had an elaborate scheme worked out too..." Lee whined. Sephiroth huggled her.   
Maia ignored her and continued speaking. "Dr. 666 is back. Get up here." She turned off the speaker phone and even before she had breathed, Lee and Sephiroth stood there.   
"He's back?!" Lee shouted.   
"Yup. He's out in the world, somewhere, waiting for us," Maia said, waving her hand out the window, over the nice view of the mountains. Sephiroth glared out of the corner of his eyes suspiciously at the mountains. He thought he saw a skier fall.   
"Sweet merciful crap, he is there! He just morphined someone!" Sephiroth shouted, pointing out the window. He grabbed some binoculars.   
"Oh, no, wait, it's just a bear mauling a skier. That's okay."   
"Bear mauling a skier?" Maia asked. "What the—?" She noticed that she was leaning on her keyboard and the command "Bear Maul Skier" was on the screen. "Oh, crap!" she yelled, pressing undo a few times.   
As Sephiroth watched, the bear dropped the arm and ran backwards and the skier regained his blood, his arm miraculously re-attached itself and he got up and skied away.   
"Whoo. Freak~ay," Sephiroth commented.   
"I have power. Mwahaha," Maia remarked dully. She glanced over at Lee. "Well, since I got a lot of attention in the last fic, you can have it this time. Go and fight the new and improved, more powerful Dr. 666. I got appointments with the people in the anime world. See ya." She picked up her laptop and disappeared.   
Cloud ran in, screaming. "NOOOOO!!! SHE LEFT WITHOUT ME AGAIN!!!!"   
Maia popped back in and grabbed Cloud's arm. "Whoops. Forgot my escort." They both disappeared.   
Lee twitched with anger. "Whaddaya mean 'new and improved and more powerful' Dr. 666?!?!?! Why do I get the hard one?!?!?!" she screeched in anger. An email popped up in front of her face. She glared and opened it. 

"Lee,   
You freakin' asked for it! Being evil in the last fic!   
Jeez! Be careful of your actions!   
~Maia" 

Lee shook with anger, clenching a fist and an angry anime thingy appearing on her forehead. Sephiroth backed away slightly, then sighed and gave her some huggles, which made her happy again.   
"Well, then. We need some party members, if we're going to succeed, no?" Lee asked Sephiroth calmly. Sephiroth nodded and smiled.   
"That is easy to fix." Walking to the top of the stairs, he hollered down, "Anyone wanna come and fight big evil things and get some really nice experience points?!"   
Suddenly, a cloud of smoke appeared and evil laughter echoed throughout the hallways. When the smoke cleared, Auron stood there, one of his arms in his coat sling.   
"Ah ha ha ha ha—I mean... hello!" Auron smiled nervously. "Please! I need to get stronger!!! I must break the 9999 damage limit!" he screamed a little insanely. Regaining his composure, he cleared his throat, blinked and pushed his sunglasses up. "I mean—I could be an asset to this mission. Bring me along and I shall guard you, even if it means sacrificing my life."   
Lee shrugged. "'kay. You can come Auron. It would be good to have you along."   
Sephiroth nodded in agreement, noticing, with a little jealousy, that Auron seemed stronger than himself. Sephiroth glared a little bit, then turned around and crossed his arms, shutting his eyes. While he was standing there, a wrench hit him over the head and he fell over, crying out.   
"Oh, crap! Sorry! That forbidden machina was damn greasy! I mean, it just kind of slipped right out of my hands and...landed..on..your head. Sorry!" Rikku ran up, her goggles over her eyes. She grinned, lifting her goggles off of her eyes and hanging them around her neck.   
"Do you need a good mechanic? Because I'll come with you! Besides..." She glared at Auron. "We have a bit of an argument to settle..."   
Auron clenched one of his fists and shouted in Rikku's face, "I will break the 9999 damage limit first! Not you, little Al-Bhed Yevon-hater!!!"   
Rikku gasped, turning red in the face. "Oh, really, Mr. Unsent Pyrefly guy! With your glasses and your 'Oh, look at me! I'm so cool' attitude!!! Well, go ahead, do your worst!"   
"Oh, you think you feel lucky...punk!" Auron yelled, his unused hand coming out of the sleeve.   
"Yeah! Bring it on!!!"   
"Okay then! Battle!!"   
They both clenched a fist, glaring at each other while Lee and Sephiroth held their breath. Then, Rikku and Auron cried out in unison, "Rock, paper scissors!"   
Sephiroth and Lee sweatdropped, leaning on each other so as not to fall over in their exasperation. Rikku and Auron tied for two rounds of rock, paper, scissors, then Sephiroth hit Auron over the head and Lee took Rikku by the arm and dragged her away from Auron.   
"Let's not do this anymore! Our guests will get bored!"   
"Hm...Boring..." Sephiroth sighed.   
"Did someone say 'boring'?!" a voice yelled. Someone bounded into the room, running past Rikku, who fell over, then jumping onto Auron's back and clinging to him. "Non-boring is my middle name!" Wild gun shots were fired and everyone flung themselves to the ground, thinking it was a stick-up.   
Lee glanced up, and saw that the person riding piggy-back on Auron was none other than Laguna.   
"Laguna!!!!" Lee shouted. "....Are you on drugs?!"   
Laguna hopped down off of Auron, who looked disgusted, and grinned foolishly. "I don't know anymore!!!!!!"   
"Oh...God..."   
There was an awkward silence, then Lee smiled nervously and suggested, "Let's go and see what Maia's doing!"   
A popup appeared in the middle of all of them, and it showed Maia and Cloud in a training center. Cloud attacked a Malboro and a 10,000 flashed over the Malboro's head and it disappeared.   
"Cloud! You broke the 9999 damage limit!!" Maia cried. She flung herself into Cloud's arms and they did battle ending poses while embracing.   
Auron and Rikku watched this in astonishment, their jaws hanging open. Turning to one another, they glared.   
"I'm gonna be the second one to break the 9999 damage limit!" Rikku shrieked. Auron snarled.   
"Like hell, little Brittney Spears wannabe! I will! Me!"   
"Who's gonna stop me!"   
"Myself, of course!"   
"You and what army!?!?"   
"....Aw, screw it! I'll kill you!"   
"Not if I kill you first!!!"   
They both lunged at each other, trying to strangle one another.   
As they fought, another battle appeared on the screen between Maia, Cloud and an Iron Giant. Cloud cast an Armour Break on it and Maia slashed the Iron Giant and a 10,000 flashed over it's head and it disappeared.   
"Maia! You're are one fine, divine lady! You broke the 9999 damage limit!" Cloud yelled. Maia laughed and placed a hand on the back of her neck and grinned.   
Auron and Rikku stopped fighting to watch this, then turned to each other, glaring. Suddenly, between them, Lee appeared, holding up a weapon with Power Break on it.   
"Start fighting again and you'll both get it over the head with this. Then you'll be competing to see who can break the **9'** limit."   
They both backed off, frightened. Lee grinned at them and put the weapon away. Laguna bounced around, firing random shots into the air. Sephiroth grabbed Laguna's gun and emptied it of its bullets, then returned it to Laguna, who really didn't seem to notice and kept trying to fire shots. The gun still made a sound, but just didn't shoot.   
Sephiroth held out a hand. "Silencer, please."   
Laguna handed it to him, still jumping around. Sephiroth snatched his gun away from him again and placed the silencer on it, then returned it to Laguna.   
Lee glanced around. "Well, this is our party! Now, how are we going to hunt down and maim Dr. 666?"   
"Oh! Oh! Ooh! Ooh, oh, ooh!" Laguna shouted, waving a hand in the air and jumping around. "Ooh! I know! Pick me! Pick me, for I am EVER so knowledgeable!!!!!"   
"Okay... What's your plan then, Laguna?" Sephiroth asked.   
"To hunt down and maim Dr. 666, we simply have to—" Everyone waited with bated breath "—hunt him down and maim him!!!"   
Everyone sweatdropped.   
Lee smashed Laguna over the head with a fist. "That's no plan! Jeez! C'mon, people, think!"   
"Mwahahaha!!!"   
"I've heard of plans, but that's the wackiest— Dear God!" Lee shouted, noticing that, behind Sephiroth, was Dr. 666. Sephiroth yelped and ran behind Lee, cowering. Lee patted him on the head and gave him a small, quick huggle.   
"Ahahaha!!! The Chosen Children!! With my Black Gears I—wait... Something...not...quite...right.... ...... Oh!" Dr. 666 grinned and pulled out a morphine needle. "You're not chosen children! You're just... annoying bugs in the grand scheme of my plan! And I plan to squash you right here!"   
"Not if I can help it!!" Rikku and Auron shouted in unison, Auron bringing out his trippy Masamune and Rikku putting on her Godhand. They both glared at each other, then dashed at Dr. 666. But, before they could hit him—   
"Time for a booster!" Dr. 666 pulled out another needle, gave them fancy, gun-like twirls, and plunged them into both of their arms and injected the morphine. They stumbled away, Auron inspecting his arm, Rikku whining, then they both went into a daze and sat down against the wall, comparing coins from their pockets, singing happily, with goofy grins on their faces.   
Lee and Sephiroth sweatdropped, Laguna began to bounce around more, firing random shots (without the bullets), with the silencer still going off. Laguna bounded forward, snatched one of the needles from Dr. 666, stuffed it into his gun and shot it at the doctor, still bouncing around. Dr. 666 got the needle right in the forehead. (O_O.... >_)   
"Oh, God!!!!!" Dr. 666 screeched, running around in panicky circles. He finally dislodged the needle from his head. "Thank goodness I'm immune to morphine. I wouldn't be a good doctor if I weren't." He shook his fist at them. "I'll take you out later!! So long, suckers!!! Mwahahahaha!!!"   
He threw down a smoke bomb, smoke filling the room. When it cleared, he was still standing there. Lee, Sephiroth and Laguna stared at him for a moment, before the doctor saluted them and jumped out the window. They rushed to the window and watched Dr. 666 as he flew off on a hang glider with a morphine needle on the wing.   
"Woah. That was... wacky... Or trippy..." Lee commented.   
"Yes. Yes, it was," Sephiroth replied slowly.   
"That was fun!" Laguna cried happily, still bouncing, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down and up and down (Whoo, it's mesmerizing, isn't it? ^_^;;).   
"Stoppit!" Sephiroth shouted, grabbing a rope and tying Laguna up. Laguna continued to jump, looking more like a patient in a strait jacket because his arms were basically strapped to his sides.   
"Arg, dammit!" Lee screeched, pushing Laguna out the window as he passed it.   
"WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!"   
"God, can NOTHING slow him down?!" Sephiroth shouted in anger. Glancing back at Auron and Rikku, who had begun to trade gil, he sighed. "This is gonna be one helluvan adventure." 

----------------------- 

Disclaimer: We don't own Final Fantasy. If we did, we'd be filthy stinking rich, but we're not.   
  



	2. The Troubles Begin

Maia: And so... we teeter on the edge of another school year. *sobs* Enjoy the insanity! In this chapter, **bold text** is the narrator, and _italic text_ is me. ^_^   
Disclaimer: We don't own Final Fantasy. HAPPY? 

----------------------- 

After the morphine had worn off of Auron and Rikku, they gathered a couple of supplies, like a phoenix down and as many potions as they could stuff into their pockets. They filled Auron's jug thingy with potion.   
"Now, Auron, no swigs of that. We need it," Rikku snarled at him. Auron hissed back at her. They glared at each other, then Rikku muttered something in Al Bhed.   
"What did you say?!" Auron shouted.   
"Tysh oui tnihgea!"   
"And what's that supposed to mean!?"   
"It means "Damn you, drunkie"!!!"   
"Why you little—!" Auron wrapped his hands around her neck and began to strangle her. He looked around for something that he could use to suffocate her, besides his hands. Spotting a phone, he seized the telephone and wrapped the cord around her neck and gagged her with that.   
Rikku took this to her advantage and grasped the head of the phone and began to hit him over the head with it.   
"Ow!" Wham. "Ow!" Wham. "OW!"   
They both began to get tired and the cord loosed on Rikku's neck and the phone hit Auron over the head with less force. Auron and Rikku collapsed over each other, still trying to kill one another.   
Lee and Sephiroth watched them, sweatdropping.   
"Merciful hell, this is going to be crazy."   
"Hey, look a video clip from Maia! Let's look at that!"   
"Yes...let's," Sephiroth replied.   
A window opened and it showed Maia and Cloud sitting in a classroom at Balamb Garden. They were listening to Quistis as she taught the students. Squall was sleeping, his head buried in a book. As he snored, he kept muttering, "Whatever..."   
"So, let's have a little pop quiz!" Quistis cried. "It will be an oral. Squall, first question!"   
"Whatever..."   
"Is it important to always have phoenix downs with you?"   
"Whatever..."   
"O...kay.... not the answer I was looking for. Next question! Squall how many hit points does a Malboro have?"   
"Whatever..."   
"..."   
"Whatever..."   
"Squall, if you are not awake, just say 'whatever'," she said in a monotonous voice.   
"Whatever..."   
"Squall!!!!!"   
"What?! What?!" he yelled, jumping up. "Where's the fire!!!???"   
"It's on the cuffs of your pants..." Quistis told him.   
"Oh, God!!!" Squall screamed, without looking at the bottom of his pants. He tore off his pants, so he was only in his heart-patterned boxers, then he ran to the window, leaped out of it, landed, somehow, unhurt, and ran off, still screaming. Everyone laughed. Maia and Cloud were leaning against each other, howling with laughter.   
Lee and Sephiroth sweatdropped.   
"That was odd..." Sephiroth commented.   
Rikku and Auron had sat up again and were glaring at each other. Laguna had miraculously climbed back up into the room.   
"Hey *bounce* guys *bounce*, why *bounce* are we *bounce* not *bounce* leaving? *boing*" Laguna asked, bouncing up and down.   
Lee thought about it or the moment. "You're right!"   
"Yeah..." Sephiroth agreed.   
"Pick up your weapons, we're outta here!" Rikku cried, putting on her Godhand. Auron picked up his trippy Masamune and Laguna stopped bouncing for a moment (Gasp!) and cocked his gun. Lee looked at an array of weapons which were hanging on the wall for some reason.   
"Hm.. Sephiroth, I would have a katana like yours...but...we need an variety of weapons, so..." She grabbed a Brotherhood like Tidus'. "I'll take this one!"   
Sephiroth swished his Masamune. "Excellent! Are we off?"   
"Damn straight!" Lee shouted.   
"All right!" Rikku seconded.   
"Let's go!" Auron agreed.   
"Let's get this show on the road!" Laguna cried.   
There was a long, awkward silence.   
".... Hey... guys?" Lee asked. "Where are we going?"   
Everyone fell over, sweatdropping as Lee placed a hand on the back of her neck and laughed nervously. 

----------------------------- 

Outside the castle, they all were walking, conversing random things. Sephiroth finally looked up and said, "Hey, what the... How did we get out here?"   
Lee shrugged. "I dunno. Miracle of fanfiction."   
"Well, anyway, what were you saying the meaning of life was?" Sephiroth asked.   
"Well, the meaning of life is—" Rikku began   
"No, we already discussed that your explanation was wrong!" Auron said. "The REAL meaning of life is—"   
"Guys, can we get off this subject?" Lee asked. "Besides, the real meaning of life is—" 

**And so they conversed for long hours on the meaning of life, which was never truly absolved...**

They sat around a campfire, later on that night, discussing where they would go next.   
"Well, I say we go east!" Rikku suggested.   
"West!" Auron argued.   
"North! To the snowy fields!" Sephiroth shouted.   
"South! Where Edea is!" Laguna cried.   
They all turned to look at Lee.   
"Uh... um.... dang..."   
"What's wrong?" Sephiroth asked.   
".............Dang......."   
"And by 'dang' we mean....?" Auron and Rikku said in unison.   
"Oh, yeah, you weren't in the last fanfic, were you?" Lee asked Laguna, Auron and Rikku, who all shook their heads. "Well, except for you, Sephiroth." Sephiroth nodded. "Remember anything...about our castle...?"   
"Hmn....I...oh, dang...."   
"Exactly."   
"And by 'dang' you mean!?" the other three shouted.   
Lee and Sephiroth looked at each other, then back at the others. "Do you want the long explanation, or the short one?"   
"Well, we're here all night, right?" Rikku said.   
"Okay..." Lee and Sephiroth sighed. 

**And so, Sephiroth and Lee regaled the tale of how the castle of Maia and Lee was built in a— *gets hit over the head with a brick***

_ Hey, buddy! Will'ya shaddup?!_

**Maia?**

_Darn straight. Anyways, the castle was built, by moi, in this weird universe so that we would have access to everything in any Final Fantasy world. Therefore, the universe is only so big, So it goes in a loop. Capiche?_

** And so, this humble narrator kicked Maia out of his recording studio and continued his narrating and—**

_Why you, how dare you kick me out! I need to do more video clips and other stuff and this and that and—_

**And so, Maia continued to rant as this humble narrator closed the door on her.**

_ *muffled screaming and threatening from behind the door* I'm the almighty webmistress! You have no right to do this to me!!! I'll kill you! See if I don't! And if not, you'll be so fired! I'm gonna fire your ass to hell and back!!!_

"Woo. That was long and evil..." Rikku exclaimed, throwing up her hands in frustration. Auron crossed his arms and gave a 'hmph' and Laguna gave a thumbs-up and grinned.   
"That was long and important. Interesting. But BORING!!!" Laguna explained. He cocked his gun and fired a couple of random shots into the air.   
"Must you consistently do that?" Sephiroth asked, holding his hands over his ears.   
"Yes. Yes, I must."   
"Are you sure?" Lee asked.   
"Yes. Yes, I am."   
"Quite sure?" Rikku and Auron asked in unison, irritably.   
"Yes, I am quite, completely, absolutely, truly, positively, undeniably, unmistakably, decidedly, insistently, peremptorily, most-definitely, 100% very sure."   
They all stared at him. Lee blinked. "Okay then. .........I didn't know you had so wide a vocabulary."   
"Vocab-a-what now?"   
They all sweatdropped.   
"Um... So...We...should get going...where?" Sephiroth asked, ignoring Laguna. Rikku, Auron and Lee shrugged.   
"Urm.. Back to the castle!" Lee cried, after thinking for a moment. They got to their feet and dashed off in a direction. What direction it was, it didn't particularly matter, because they would eventually end up back at the castle anyway... -_- 

----------------------   
Back to Dr. 666, 'cause we love him so much... =^_^=   
---------------------- 

Dr. 666 was sitting on a stool, in his "Ultra Secret Lab" (thunder and lightning), rubbing at his head with antiseptic, murmuring, "Ow...I'm so gonna hurt them...Ow.....*whine, cry*"   
A new, extremely pretty Esper nurse, with little fairy wings, came into the room, holding a tray with a cup of iced tea and ice cubes on it. She handed it to him.   
"Am I a waitress, or a nurse?" she asked, slightly irritated; she had been serving him iced teas all day.   
"Both..." Dr. 666 muttered, sipping at the iced tea. He frowned. "This iced tea is a degree warmer than I like it! Cool it down some more!" he demanded, thrusting the iced tea back at the nurse.   
She sauntered out, sighing and thinking, Why am I doing this? I only came here for the tips. But now I'm becoming a waitress! Darn, this sucks...   
And Dr. 666 sat there, rubbing at the hole in his head. "Darn that Laguna. Him and his gun...." He shook his fist. "I WILL destroy them, if it's the last thing I do!" 

----------------------- 

Maia: *sobs* And so, I must once again descend into the prison called school... but this is pre-written, so don't fear, there WILL indeed be updates. Until next time, ciao! ^_^ 


	3. I See Dr 666

Maia: Peace. For the original story behind Kera and Helen, which is the very first story that we ever wrote (so it's not very good... but it's still funny!) visit ht tp: // digitalland .envy .nu/ fanfics/kuja battle .htm ^_^ (remove all spaces)   
Think 'Sixth Sense' spoof for this chapt... 

Disclaimer: You know it, we know it, do we really need to go through all this again?! 

-------------------------   
Back to Our "Heroes"....   
------------------------- 

All the "heroes" trudged back into the castle, after they had found it again. Tired and depressed, they sat on the cold floor for a moment, Lee resting on Sephiroth, Laguna kind of...vibrating...in his sleep and Rikku resting her head on Auron's shoulder and he rested his head on top of hers. Lee looked up.   
"Hey, look, you guys aren't trying to kill each other!" she said happily to Auron and Rikku. Their eyes snapped open and they sat bolt upright, then glared at each other. Auron held up his hands to strangle Rikku, but then said "Meh", and waved his hand lazily, before falling asleep again. Rikku shrugged and fell asleep on his shoulder again.   
Lee sweat dropped.   
"Uh.... Hey..Um...Why don't we go see Kuja?" Lee suggested.   
"Why would we want to go see that little gir—I mean...guy..." Auron said nervously, changing his insult in mid-sentence after a baleful glare from Lee.   
"Because, he seems to always be around when Dr. 666 shows up. We can hang out there, have some cookies, and wait for our little doctor to show," Sephiroth remarked casually.   
"M'kay," Rikku replied, standing and stretching. Auron stood and slung an arm around Rikku's shoulders.   
"My, they seem to have made up..." Sephiroth gossiped to Lee, using his hand to cover his mouth.   
"Tell me about it..." Lee replied quietly.   
They made their way to a closet, up on the top floor of the castle. Lee opened the door to the closet and they all walked in.   
There was a flash, then they stood on the door step of Kuja's house. Lee knocked and the door opened and Helen stood there, a frying pan in one hand. She waved in a cute-girl fashion.   
"H~i. Ku~ja's having prob~lems," she said in a singsong voice.   
"Problems...?" Sephiroth asked with suspicion.   
"Mm~hm." Helen smiled, closing her eyes cutely. She nodded, her pigtails flopping. Laguna had stopped bouncing and stared at Helen, his eyes wide.   
"So...so cute...."   
Everyone sweatdropped. Helen smiled and hit Laguna over the head with her frying pan. There was a resounding clang. Laguna stumbled back and sat down.   
"Not...so cute..."   
Kera came to the door. "I heard a clang, Helen, who's—" She saw the group standing at the door. "Oh, hey everyone."   
"Hey Kera," the group said in unison.   
"Kuja's having problems?" Lee asked with concern.   
"Yes... Ever since the Curse of Dr. 666..." She shook her head sadly. "Please come in."   
She led them into the house, where they were instantly bombarded by Kuja's mother with chocolate chip cookies. They all sat down, forgetting about Kuja for a moment as they ate cookies and milk.   
Kera left for a moment to go and check up on Kuja. Coming back, she shook her head again.   
"He's getting worse... I think he knows you're here."   
They all followed Kera into the kitchen and saw a huddled mound of shivering blankets in the corner. Kera plucked a few off and they saw a disheveled Kuja. He yelped and grabbed the blankets back with a childish "Nnno!" and huddled under the blankets again.   
"He's been like this since the end of Curse of Dr. 666. Ever since you guys supposedly killed the doctor. Kuja says he has visions of the future."   
"Die! Death! Morphine!! DEATH!!" Kuja cried, muffled from under the blankets. 

------------------------   
Kuja's Flashback... Of about a week ago...   
------------------------ 

Kuja was sitting, huddled in a dark corner. It was cold. Cold everywhere. He could see his breath as mist in front of him. He shivered uncontrollably.   
Looking up as the door slowly creaked open, he cried out in a frightened voice, "Who goes there?!"   
"Kuja...What are you doing?!" It was Kera.   
She kneeled in front of him and he stared at her, his face even more pale than usual. He whispered in a frightened voice, "I see...Dr. 666... It's so... so cold...."   
Kera sighed, exasperated. "Kuja... I promise you won't be as cold if you come OUT OF THE DEEP FREEZE!!!"   
Kuja looked slowly around, seeing that he was in the walk-in freezer. He tried to remember why he had come there in the first place.   
"Oh...It was so...so hot outside..."   
"I can't see how you're ever hot, with what you wear..." Kera said.   
He looked scornfully at her. "It was hot."   
Kera glared. "You have about a thousand fans in your room. You took all of ours! And from around the house! I don't see how you can be hot!"   
He thought back to his room. The demon place, where there was a window. HE could jump in, unexpectedly.   
"It was...unsafe..." he said carefully, regaining his composure to fight with his sister.   
"There are about forty locks on your window."   
"It's unsafe. And I didn't bring the fans into my room. It was the unseen forces of evil."   
"....I saw you unplugging my fan and carrying it into your room. I don't see how that is an unseen force unless somehow you're invisible because of that sheet you put over you."   
Kuja thought back, sweatdropping. "I magicked that sheet!"   
"You swirled it around yourself and cried 'Invisibility cloak!'"   
"You were watching?!"   
"Yes. I know all and see all in this house. I also happened to be coming around the corner."   
"Damn."   
"Yes... Let's get you up to your room. You need to sleep."   
She took him up to his room and tucked him into the bed. He looked fearfully out at the darkened sky.   
"Don't worry Kuja," Kera told him and left.   
As Kuja tried to sleep, he kept hearing scratching at his window. He opened his eyes slowly and, lo and behold, he saw Dr. 666.   
He screamed and started to cry. Kera, Helen and their mother ran in. "What's wrong?!" Helen cried, rubbing her eyes sleepily, still managing a cute-girl smile.   
Kuja mumbled incoherently, rocking back and forth, his arms wrapped around huddled knees.   
Kera went to the window and tried to undo the forty locks. When she couldn't, she broke the glass.   
"Here's your Dr. 666!" she cried, holding up a fluffy white kitty. It purred cutely. Everyone except Kuja gathered around the kitty, stroking it and cooing. Kuja looked at it and it stared at him and hissed evilly.   
Kera sweatdropped. "Oooookkaaayyy... no more kitty...." She unceremoniously dropped the kitty back out the window. They heard a clunk and someone profoundly swearing.   
Kera looked out the window and saw Dr. 666, with a large dent in his hat. He rubbed his head, then gasped and picked up the kitty. He stroked it and cried, "I'm gonna take you home with me! You can be my assistant!"   
The kitty hissed at him and he sweatdropped. "Or not...." He hurled the kitty unceremoniously away and they watched it fly over the horizon.   
They all heard it scream, "Merow'll be back!"   
They all stood there, sweatdropping, silent. Suddenly, out of the blue, Helen said cutely, "I want Jell-O!"   
Their mother soundlessly took Helen to get some Jell-O, leaving Kera, Kuja, and Dr. 666, who was still outside the window. Kera took out her bazooka and blew Dr. 666 away.   
"Daaaannnnnnnngggggg iiiiiiitttttttt!!!!!!!!!"   
Kera boarded up the window and Kuja ran from the room, under his blankets, down to the kitchen, where he is today....   


-------------------------   
Back to the present...   
------------------------- 

"Yesssss......" Lee sweatdropped.   
"And this is what the outcome was?" Sephiroth asked, pointing at the blankets.   
"Yep," Kera told him. She handed a bowl of Jell-O to Kuja. "Here, Kuja, have some Jell-O."   
Kuja took the bowl, but not the spoon, and they heard slurping as he ate it from the bowl.   
"So... Dr. 666 was here?" Rikku asked.   
"Yeah...I'm afraid he comes almost once a week now. He seems determined to hunt poor Kuja down...." Kera said.   
"Awwwwwwwwwwwww....." Lee gave Kuja a comforting hug. "Poor Kuja..."   
Kuja shivered.   
  
TBC. 


	4. To Be Sane Again

Maia: The insanity has returned. Fear us. This is a direct continuation from the last chapt. Like a sort of 'I see Dr. 666 pt. 2' kind of thing...   
Disclaimer: How many times do I have to say this before you people get the picture? 

------------------- 

"Um... Hey, look at this!" Auron said, holding up a little ball. "It's a video clip from Maia!"   
They all watched the video clip of Maia and Cloud. It now seemed they were in the Slayers world....   
Maia sat there, eating a sandwich with Cloud. Suddenly, it burned up in her hands. Maia turned red in anger.   
"Who did that?!" she screamed.   
Xelloss popped out and sweatdropped, his eyes still closed. He placed a hand on the back of his neck.   
"Sorry...I thought it was something else...."   
"What did you think it was?!" Cloud yelled.   
Xelloss backed up, his smile fading a little. Then he leaned forward and opened one eye, placing a finger to his lips. "Sore wa himitsu desu," he told them with a grin.   
Maia waved her hands in the air. "No, no, wait...wait... Brainwave... Lemme guess... You thought it was an unimportant Claire Bible manuscript, that we couldn't be bothered with reading, right?" Maia asked. Xelloss closed his other eye again and sweatdropped.   
"Maybe...."   
"That still doesn't compensate for my dead sandwich!" Maia screamed and hurled herself at Xelloss, wrapping her arms around his neck in a strangle hold, choking him.   
"Ow, ow, ow, ow..." Xelloss moaned. "Please... I get enough from Lina..."   
Maia released him and turned all sunshine and roses. "Okay then. Come. Lee wants me to get a photo shot of you." She whispered to him, "I think she likes you...."   
Xelloss sweatdropped, his eyes closed. Maia led him away.   
The screen panned over to the lake, where a tiny boat with all the unmentioned-in-this-clip characters sat. A bunch of them threw Zelgadis overboard as an anchor, Zelgadis screaming, and the video clip ended.   
Sephiroth turned to Lee, who backed up, closing her eyes in a Xelloss fashion.   
"Who likes who now?" he asked suspiciously.   
She smiled and placed a finger to her lips, opening one eye. "Sore wa himitsu desu."   
Sephiroth pouted for a moment, then said, "So, basically, we wait here until Dr. 666 comes to finish off Kuja?" He cringed as Kuja shrieked and huddled further into his blankets with a whimper.   
Lee blinked and shushed Sephiroth, then patted Kuja's head...or where his head might have been under the blankets. "Kuja..." she cooed. "Come out and we'll make you sane again..."   
"....Sane?" was the muffled, tiny reply.   
"Yesss...sane..." Lee told him.   
Suddenly there was a villainous laugh as a saw started sawing a hole in the door. Everyone looked up and sweatdropped as Dr. 666 stepped into the kitchen through the hole, throwing away his regular saw and bringing out his morphine saw.   
Kuja screamed and jumped up, shedding the blankets and tearing out of the room like the wind, screaming in terror. Dr. 666 started after him, but Lee stood in the way.   
"Excuse me, small insignificant bug. Please don't chase him. He's not having a pleasant day," she told him civilly, though an anime angry thing appeared on her head.   
Kera stood beside Lee and smiled pleasantly. "Yes, please refrain from terrorizing my brother any further."   
Helen stood on Lee's other side and, instead of saying anything, just bonked Dr. 666 over the head with her frying pan, in an extremely cute little girl way.   
Laguna got big puppy dog eyes again. "Sooo...so cute..."   
Sephiroth went up behind Dr. 666 and picked him up. "You're very light, you know. You should eat more."   
Auron eyed Dr. 666. "Yeah, you're scrawny."   
Rikku poked the black mage. "And quite ugly."   
Dr. 666 started swinging his tiny fists, spinning in Sephiroth's grip. "Lemme go! I don't deserve this whatsoever! Lemme go, you ingrates!"   
"Where can we put him where he won't do harm?" Sephiroth asked, inclining his head backwards to avoid Dr. 666's swings and kicks.   
Kera thought about this. "Hrm...We could put him in the deep freeze, but then....Kuja may already be there.... How about the cellar?"   
"The cellar?" Lee asked.   
"Mmm hmm... Let's put him there," Kera told them and beckoned for Sephiroth to follow.   
They opened the doors to the cellar as Dr. 666 finally landed a kick on Sephiroth's face.   
"Ow, ow, ow... I hope you die down there!" he shouted and tossed the black mage into the dark cellar unceremoniously.   
"Is there anything down there?" Rikku asked as they shut the doors.   
"But of course. Watch," Kera instructed. She jabbed a button on the wall and half the floor slid away to reveal a glass floor. They saw two large creatures, a silver one and a blue one.   
"What are those?" Auron asked.   
"Waiiitttt for it..." Kera told them, smiling wickedly.   
Helen and Laguna didn't watch, they played, Laguna bouncing Helen on his knees.   
"Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy," Laguna cooed happily.   
"Boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy!" Helen shrieked joyfully.   
The rest of them turned to Kera. "How old is she?" they asked in unison.   
"Urm... Six," Kera told them. "The funny thing is, she learned to fight when she was three. She's held that frying pan since she was two."   
"No wonder she's so weird..." Lee demurred, then turned back to watch in the cellars.   
Sephiroth stood by Lee, clutching his face. "Ow... Bloody doctor. Hate him, hate, hate, hate, hate."   
Kera left for a moment, then returned with Kuja, her hands on his shoulders. "Here, Kuja. Watching this will make you sane again."   
Kuja looked up at her hopefully. "Sane? Really?"   
"Yes..."   
Sephiroth murmured blackly, "Despise, loathe, detest."   
"Sephy-san, it's okay. It's not that bad," Lee told him. Sephiroth pouted.   
"Hate that little monster."   
"Don't worry, Sephiroth. Watch the cellar. Your face shall be avenged," Kera told him, pointing down to the cellar.   
Dr. 666 cowered in between the two creatures, shaking.   
"Gah! DRAGONS!!!!!" he screamed and the dragons awoke. They backed him into a corner, cutting off any escape with their wings. Dr. 666 ran to one side, frantically, then dodged to the other side, then to the front, trying to escape. He bounced against a silver wing and hit the wall.   
"Ow, ow, ow...."   
"FIE, PUNY MORTAL MAGE! YOU DARE TO UPSET MY MASTERS?!" the silver dragon roared.   
"I swear, I did nothing!" Dr. 666 protested, cowering.   
"YOU MUST HAVE, FOR THEY THREW YOU DOWN HERE!" the blue dragon argued, loudly.   
"I scared Kuja into a frenzied state of psychotics!" he confessed, throwing himself at their mercy.   
"HOW DARE YOU SCARE MY MASTER!" the silver dragon shouted.   
"I didn't mean to!!!" Dr. 666 wailed.   
"ENOUGH! PUT HIM IN...THE BOX!!!" the blue dragon ordered.   
The silver dragon picked up Dr. 666 with two claws and carried him towards a small box. Dr. 666 struggled and tried to morphine the dragon. The needle broke. Dr. 666 sweatdropped.   
"NOOOO!!! MY NEEDLE!!!!" Dr. 666 wailed.   
Without further ado, the silver dragon stuffed Dr. 666 into a tiny box, with a little air vent in it. The mage had to curl up into a tiny ball, just to be able to fit. He whimpered as they shut the small door.   
Dusting off their claws, the dragons laughed and began to talk, their voices much quieter.   
"So, that was amusing, was it not?" the blue dragon asked.   
"Damn straight!" the silver dragon replied, all smiles and sunshine. They sat down on their haunches, as a microwave oven dinged and the silver dragon reached over and took out some microwave Poptarts. The blue dragon got some decaf coffee for them. They sat there, laughing and drinking coffee and eating Poptarts.   
Everyone stared at them, besides Kuja and Kera and Helen, because they were used to it. Lee, Sephiroth, Rikku and Auron sweatdropped. Laguna smiled crazily.   
Kuja sighed and stretched, yawning. "I think I may be cured!" he announced. He smiled at everyone and gave a peace sign.   
"Huzzah!" Lee cried, giving him a hug. Kuja looked over at Sephiroth and stuck out his tongue. Sephiroth shook a fist at Kuja and mouthed "I still win", placing a hand on his hurt face again. Kuja sweatdropped.   
Kera pushed the button again, telling the others that they didn't want to watch the dragons eats. From below, they heard Dr. 666 screaming dire threats. They heard the blue dragon shout back, "My talon is longer than your puny needle, small black creature in a doctor coat!! Hush!!"   
They stood there, listening to the doctor and the blue dragon argue. Suddenly, Kuja's dragon poked his head out from the cellar, all happy and sickly looking.   
"Morphine! Whee!!!" he cried. Kuja screamed and ran away. The dragon sweatdropped and called out, "Kuja, I'm just screwing with you! Come back!"   
Helen wapped the silver dragon over the head with her frying pan while Kera brought her fist down on his head.   
"Ow, ow, ow..." the dragon moaned.   
"Don't do that! He's severely fragile at the moment!" Kera yelled at the silver dragon.   
Auron tapped his head and said, "He should have a strong mind, like me!"   
"Yeah, an incredibly thick-skull, more like it..." Rikku muttered darkly.   
"Yeah, a thick—Hey!" Auron shouted and turned to Rikku, who smiled sweetly. Auron wrapped his hands around Rikku's neck and strangled her.   
"...Is that child abuse, or just plain physical abuse?" Sephiroth asked.   
"I dunno..." Lee murmured back to him. "Um...Let's go and get Kuja," she suggested to Sephiroth. They inched off, the sounds of Rikku gagging getting quieter.   
"Kuja....?" Lee called out. Kuja dashed out from behind a corner and ran into them. Lee hugged him and Sephiroth patted him awkwardly on the head.   
"Are you okay, Kuja?" Lee asked him. Kuja nodded and smiled.   
"Is the dragon okay?" he questioned.   
"Yes. He was just joking," Sephiroth told him.   
"...I hate him."   
Lee didn't reply, but started to tickle Kuja. "I didn't get to tickle you at the start of the fic, so I shall tickle you now!"   
After a bout of insanity, Kuja and Sephiroth turned on Lee and tickled her.   
"Help! Help me!" she cried out, laughing.   
"Are you okay?!"   
Rikku and Auron ran in, Rikku red in the face, with finger marks on her neck. Auron looked ticked off.   
"Of course we're okay," all three replied in unison.   
"Okay. Good," Auron said, smiling. "Now, if you'll excuse me..." he said matter-of-factly, turning and shoving Rikku into the wall and wrapping his hands around her neck. "I'll kill you!"   
Rikku wriggled away, and Auron tripped her and straddled her to the ground and jammed his elbow onto her neck, trying to crush her windpipe.   
Kuja, Sephiroth and Lee stared at them with wide eyes.   
Rikku screamed out a couple times, "Child abuse! Harassment! Rape!!!"   
A hologram appeared out of the floor. It was Maia. Lots of smoke swirled around her.   
"Ohh.. Special effects..." Kuja said in awe, wide eyed. "Again. How come you almost always have cool smoke or pretty lights?"   
Maia turned around and screamed out, "Vash, turn off that smoke blower thingy!"   
They heard some murmurs, then Maia turned back. "Hey guys. Oh, and, Rikku? It's not rape until...um...uh... Nevermind... Um, well, I came to ask you...are you ever gonna continue your quest? Are you gonna stay here, continue or go back to the castle? Hey—Cloud! Stoppit!"   
"Me wanna try!"   
"Screw off! You'll break my connection!"   
"Ooohhh..."   
"Anyway. I—" Xelloss appeared and smiled happily.   
"What cool technology. You know, we didn't have this back when *I* was a kid..."   
"Go away Xelloss!" Maia screamed and shoved him aside. "Okay... After that interruption..." She waved her hand and a map appeared. "Okay, you see, Dr. 666 has escaped the cellar, quite quickly, for some reason. He's traveling away pretty fast," she informed them and pointed to a little back dot that was traveling away from the house. "About 40 miles an hour... No...wait...40... centimeters and hour... Heh heh. Look at this." She zoomed in and they saw a little box, the one Dr. 666 had been shoved into, rolling away slowly. "Kee hee. That's pathetic."   
Everyone burst out laughing, even Kuja. Lee and Sephiroth leaned against each other and slid to the floor. Auron looked up from his child abuse/harassment/rape of Rikku and laughed, Rikku laughing, though the sound was choked and gaggy.   
Maia stopped for a moment and glanced at Auron. "Um... Just a suggestion, but...shouldn't you stop killing Rikku now?"   
There was a sizzle and Maia's connection was fried, mostly. The picture faded, but they heard Maia talking to Cloud. "Aw... Cloudy, don't worry about it."   
"But I wanted to pway wiv it."   
They all sat there quietly for a moment, then Auron stood and let Rikku up. They walked off, Auron slinging an arm around Rikku's shoulders and kissing her on the cheek.   
Kuja arched an eyebrow and turned to the others. "My, they seemed to have made up quickly..."   
"Tell me about it," Lee and Sephiroth said in unison.   
An email popped up. Lee opened it and read it. "Hey, it's the end of the email from Maia. Should we get Auron and Rikku?"   
"I don't think they'll care. By now, they're probably raping each other..." Sephiroth said, shuddering. Kuja slapped him over the head.   
A little PS appeared on the end of the email. "Sephiroth, rape is only if it's forced... XD"   
Sephiroth sweatdropped.   
"Okay then, they're having hot, steamy se—" Kuja said, before Lee wrapped a hand over his mouth and whacked him over the head with her other hand.   
"Think of the children!!!" she shouted, looking over at Helen. Helen was on Laguna's knee, bouncing up and down. "Namely, your little sister!!!"   
"Ah, yes, yes. Sowwy," Kuja said, hanging his head in shame. Lee patted his head and looked down at Helen who came to stand by them.   
She pulled on Kuja's skirt thingy and said, "Kujy? I wuv Waguna. I want to mawwy him!"   
Kuja bent down and ruffled her hair, smiling. "Now, now, you're too young to have a boyfriend and get married. You need to grow up and get a good edumacation and—"   
"Did you just say 'edumacation'?" Sephiroth said, wide eyed in surprise.   
"Um...uh..." Kuja stammered. "Um.... no?" He hung his head in shame again.   
Lee huggled him and said, "Don't worry about it. You're smarter than anyone I know." After she told him, she looked up at Sephiroth and shook her head, mouthing, "No, you are. You're sooo smart!"   
Sephiroth smiled smugly and nodded.   
An email popped up and Lee opened it. It was another from Maia. 

"Hey,   
Sorry. Forgot to send you this. Have fun. ^_^   
~Maia" 

Maia and Cloud were sitting in a Trigun themed bar, sipping some kind of drink. Maia appeared to be drinking a pop and Cloud had a milkshake.   
Legato sat in a dark, dark corner, holding a knife and running it lightly up and down his wrist.   
"Must...kill...Hate...life... Hate, hate, hate, hate... World...simply pain..."   
Maia came over to him and took the knife from him and put it in her pocket. Legato held out a hand and whimpered pathetically. Turning, he began to bang his head on the wall.   
"Must... ow... knock....ow....self...out...ow...then...maybe I'll...ow...die..."   
Maia slid her hand over the wall where he was banging his head on. He looked up at her. "Why are you trying to fix this?" he wailed.   
"Because it's what I do," Maia said with a smile. Vash came over with a box of doughnuts and shoved one into Legato's mouth.   
"Here, Legato! Enjoy!"   
Legato tried to chew it, choking a little. Then he smiled and swallowed the whole thing. "Mmmm...Honey... Sweet..."   
Vash plopped a strawberry sundae down in front of him and handed him a spoon. "Dig in!"   
Legato took a bite and then began to eat really quickly.   
"Ah, I won't destroy the world or myself, just because of sweets! Sweets! They make the world go 'round!" 

Author's note: Yes, yes they do. Just make sure you have a toothbrush as well. ^_~ 

Maia looked at Vash. "You fixed him that easily?"   
"Well, yeah. I mean, it's better than what I did last time. I mean, I SHOT him in the head! Oh, God, I'm a horrible, horrible, horrible person! The blood, and the pain and the massacre and..." He began to cry pathetically.   
Maia patted him on the shoulder and said, "It's okay. It was just a TV show. I mean, you didn't even kill him!"   
"I know but *sniff*..."   
Maia shoved a doughnut into his mouth and sat him down. As she did, Knives slunk in through the saloon-like door. Everyone looked at him as the door squeaked. Knives looked up and smiled nervously.   
"Um...uh... Nothing to see here! Go about your daily, drunken business, thank you!" He slid over and sat down in a chair at the same table as Maia, Cloud, Vash and Legato, who had joined them, wolfing down his second sundae, this time a blueberry one.   
"Yo, what up?" he said to them all. They stared at him.   
"Um... Knives, don't you have an... 'appointment'?" Maia asked.   
Knives went wide eyed and frowned and took out a little black book. Reading through it, he looked up finally and said in a civil voice, "Yes, I believe I do."   
He stood and pocketed his book, turning and walking away with a, "Ja ne!"   
They all sweatdropped when they heard him outside chanting fanatically, and crazily, "Kill, kill, kill, kill, blood, death, murder, assassinate, hee hee hee hee!"   
They all were quiet for a moment, then suddenly Wolfwood raced through the bar, buck naked. Everyone screamed, Maia hiding her eyes by burying her face on Cloud's chest. Vash screamed out, "Wolfwood, you crazy priest! That's a deadly sin! A DEADLY SIN!!! YOU FOOL!!!!!!"   
They all heard Wolfwood scream back, "Do you think it particularly matters?!"   
Cloud patted Maia on the head, grinning stupidly.   
Lee looked up, bewildered and a little sickened. "She managed to record ALL THAT, even though she wasn't even watching the last part?"   
Sephiroth shrugged. "Meh. I'm sure she's used to it."   
Everyone who had been watching shrugged in unison and said, "Meh."   
Auron and Rikku came out, both red in the face. Auron fanned himself and said, "Whoo, is it hot in here, or is it just you, Rikku?"   
Everyone shuddered, Kuja turning around and rubbing his temples, murmuring over and over, "Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts..." He beckoned to Kera. "Come here sister of mine and think happy thoughts with me."   
Lee gagged and closed her eyes, shaking her head and chanting, "Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean..."   
Sephiroth shuddered and shook his head back and forth a couple times.   
Helen and Laguna didn't notice and continued with their "Bouncy, bouncy bouncy, boingy, boingy, boingy!".   
Lee looked up. "Well, it seems we have at least a couple un-tainted minds in this room."   
"I'm not too sure about Laguna..." Sephiroth murmured.   
"Why's that?"   
"Ever notice how much he smiles? I think he's hiding something..." Sephiroth glared suspiciously.   
Lee looked up, a suspicious expression on her face. "Yes...but what?" 

TBC 


	5. Three Ts: Ta da! and Titanic Tumbleweeds

Maia: PH34R! PH34R T3H L33TN355! *gets smacked by her muses* (Translation: Fear! Fear the leetness!) Sorry.... Anyway... after that bout of insanity, I let you enjoy the mass weirdness! ^_^ 

Last time on The Return of Dr. 666.... 

"I'm not too sure about Laguna..." Sephiroth murmured.   
"Why's that?"   
"Ever notice how much he smiles? I think he's hiding something..." Sephiroth glared suspiciously.   
Lee looked up, a suspicious expression on her face. "Yes...but what?" 

----------------------- 

Everyone in the room, excluding Helen and Laguna, looked up as a loud, ominous background music blared out "Dun dun dun!" Everyone looked around for the source of the sound.   
"What the hell...?" Lee and Sephiroth said in unison.   
Auron turned serious and grabbed Laguna by the collar and threw him into a chair. Kera turned out the lights and Sephiroth swung Laguna to face him and shone an interrogation lamp into Laguna's face.   
"Where were you on the night of August the fifteenth?! Talk, you maggot!" Auron yelled in his face.   
Laguna blinked and said, "But, it's only August the fourteenth..."   
"Okay then, where WILL you be on the night of August the fifteenth?!" Auron shouted out.   
"Um...where ever we're gonna be?" he asked, arching an eyebrow and sweatdropping.   
Lee and Rikku strode past him and glared intimidatingly at him.   
A phone rang out and Laguna held up his pointer finger and said, "Hold a moment." He picked up his cell phone and opened it up. "Hello? This is Mister Laguna. You want your import of crack? Um...listen this is a reaaaallllyyy bad time...."   
Everyone sweatdropped. Sephiroth grabbed the cell phone and yelled into it, "He'll call you back later, crack user!" and threw the cell phone over his shoulder.   
Laguna stood up, looking all evil. "Okay, cat's out of the bag. How typical of you all. I'm not really Laguna. I'm really...." He spread his arms and shouted out "Ta da!"   
"Umn...so, who are you?" Lee asked, confused. "You never said a name. You just said 'ta da'..."   
"Oh...Um... Well, I'm not really Laguna."   
"Then where's Laguna?" Sephiroth said.   
The fake Laguna pointed over to the couch where Laguna and Helen were still playing. "Um...he's right there...."   
Rikku ran over and hit Laguna over the head. "I don't trust either of these Lagunas!" She started yanking at Laguna's face. "This isn't Laguna! It's A MASK!" She tugged a little more, then sweatdropped. "Well, his face looked so superficial, it looked like a mask. Honest mistake."   
The fake Laguna blinked. "Um.. I'll just be going now..." he trailed off and ducked out to grab his cell phone. He ran to the door to find Sephiroth standing there.   
"Hold it right there! I will not have you passing out drugs to all those innocent children! Why, I was once a child, and I know that children on drugs are not happy children. Not that *I* used drugs, but I had friends who did and they were the unhappiest group of little children you ever did see! And—" He looked up to find that the fake Laguna was running away. "Aw, nuts. There goes this generation."   
Kera ran to the door and pulled out her bazooka. "Not while I'm around!" She fired and they heard a scream. Kera went out and grabbed the fake Laguna and dragged him into the house and threw him down into the dragon cellar.   
Sephiroth struck a heroic, clichéd anime pose. "And the world is diverted from crisis once again! Thanks to the heroic, handsome, charming, intelligent, long-haired, GORGEOUS bishonen, Sephiroth!"   
Kera arched an eyebrow. "You didn't do anything... I did everything."   
Sephiroth pouted and Lee patted him on the arm, whispering to him, "It was ALL you..."   
Kera sweatdropped. "What ever..."   
Rikku peered down into the cellar at the fake Laguna. "Shouldn't we go and see who he really is?"   
They all went down into the cellar, the dragons holding the fake Laguna between them. The fake Laguna shivered in fear and pleaded wordlessly.   
"Okay. Who are you?" Sephiroth asked, pointing his Masamune at the fake Laguna, trying to make up for his earlier shame.   
Lee stood beside Sephiroth and crossed her arms. "Yeah, tell us..."   
"Or what?" fake Laguna spat.   
"I'll make you swallow this sword..." Sephiroth said calmly. Fake Laguna gulped.   
"Okay, okay....I'm...a failed clone of...Dr. 666..." he said heavily.   
"Oh, good God, there is no God!!!" Kuja screamed and tore from the room, shrieking in terror. Kera shook her head and followed him while the others sweatdropped.   
"What's with him?" the clone asked. Everyone shook their heads and sweatdropped again.   
There was a silence, the sounds of "bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, boingy, boingy, boingy" was heard from upstairs. After a longer silence, a tumbleweed rolled across the floor. Everyone blinked.   
Auron glared at the tumbleweed and screamed out "I'll kill you!!" and lunged at the tumbleweed, tearing it up and putting it in a bucket of water.   
"...What's with him?" the clone asked again.   
"....Now that, we don't know...." Rikku said, eyes wide.... 

-----------------------------   
Auron's flashback...20 years ago...   
----------------------------- 

A sixteen-year-old Auron was strolling down a sidewalk, swinging his arms and whistling happily. He had just come from his most recent "How to Cook Delicious Delectibles" class.   
He stopped at a corner, placing a hand to his chest and saying to himself, "Cooking! Now that's a man's job!" 

Note: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YEAH RIGHT!!!! ^^ AURON?!? COOKING?!? 

The street light changed and he began to cross. Just as he was crossing, a speeding tumbleweed plowed him over, knocking him to the ground.   
Looking up, he shook his fist at it and shouted out, "You stupid little ball of twigs! I'll kill you!!" He jumped up and raced after it.   
Chasing it out into an open area, he stopped at the sight of about twenty tumbleweeds lined up on the hill above him.   
All of them started to roll down the hill and then they all hit him and started to roll all over him.   
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Auron cried, covering his head with his arms and screaming for help. 

-----------------------   
Back to the present   
----------------------- 

"What an...odd...flashback..." Lee said slowly, eyes wide in bafflement.   
All the others, even the clone, nodded, all of their eyes wide. Auron glanced around him, then sweatdropped. Gazing sidelong at the bucket with the tumbleweed in it, he shook his fist at it.   
"Death to all tumbleweeds...."   
"...You know, doesn't water FUEL plants...?" Lee asked.   
"What? I don't.... CRAP!!!!" Auron shouted, looking at the bucket. A bunch of smaller tumbleweeds spawned from the bucket, making a very good impression of Mickey Mouse and the broomsticks.   
"HOLY HELL!" Auron shouted and pulled out his gigantic sword. Bashing all the tumbleweeds to dust, he stood there and panted. "Who's the genius NOW?! Huh? HUH?!"   
Rikku blinked. "Genius?"   
Sephiroth arched an eyebrow. "Auron, back...away...from...the tumbleweeds..."   
Auron took a step back, then looked down at the tumbleweed remains. "DEAR GOD! THEY'RE FORMING AGAIN!!!!" he screeched like a little girl.   
Sephiroth took a match, lit it and set the tumbleweed remains on fire. "There. No tumbleweeds. Happy?"   
The flaming tumbleweed remains slowly formed into a large flaming tumbleweed, which slowly began to roll after Auron.   
Sephiroth raised both eyebrows. "I dunno what tumbleweeds have against you, but it's not my problem any longer."   
A ghost of the tumbleweed appeared from the smoke and began to roll the flaming tumbleweed faster. Auron squealed like a little school girl and jumped onto a chair.   
Lee stepped forward and dumped the bucket of water on it and stepped on it, grinding her foot into the ground.   
"There. Dead. -_-"   
Rikku looked up at Auron. "I have a lower opinion of you now..."   
There was a silence for a moment again, then an email popped up again, from Maia. 

Maia: Is there anyone else? ^_~ 

"Look! It be from Maia!" Lee cried, sitting down and opening the email. "Ooh. Another video clip. ^^"   
"Lesse," Sephiroth said, sitting beside Lee. Lee opened the video clip.   
Maia, Cloud and Xelloss sat in the Dragonball Z world, eating rice with Goku...well, kind of. Cloud, Maia and Xelloss watched in amazement as Goku ate rapidly, one bowl after another.   
After eating, they all stood up and went outside, where Krilin and Yaumcha were training.   
Krilin ran up and circled Cloud. "Wow! Are you a Super Saiyan? I mean, your hair..."   
Yaumcha stood beside Krilin and nodded. "Don't forget the eyes, dude. Definitely the eyes."   
Cloud blinked, an oblivious expression on his face. "What? What's a Saiyan? I no Saiyan..."   
"Awww... Poor Cloudy..." Maia cooed.   
Xelloss grinned and tapped Cloud on the head with his staff, causing a bright, Saiyan-ish light to emit from Cloud.   
"He IS a Saiyan!" Krilin, Yaumcha and Goku cried.   
Xelloss wiped off his hands in satisfaction, grinning happily. Maia lightly thwacked him over the head.   
"That was mean... Look what you're putting him through..." She pointed at Cloud, who was getting punches and kicks thrown at him from every which way.   
Xelloss grinned. "I'm evil; I know."   
Because a lot of characters weren't mentioned, all of the non-mentioned characters ran through, waving colored flags and blowing noise makers. Vegeta followed slowly after, his arms crossed, a party hat sitting crookedly on his head. He gave everyone a darkling look and sat down, scowling.   
The video clip ended. Sephiroth laughed. "Ha ha ha... Stupid Cloud... ^_^v"   
Lee glomped Sephy and huggled him around the neck. "You're so CUTE when you're evil! ^o^"   
Sephiroth choked. "No...arms..'round...necckkk.... x_x" He passed out from lack of oxygen.   
Lee pouted. "Seppppphhhyyyy-sama.... @_@"   
Kuja sat down cross-legged a little ways from Sephy and poked him with a stick. "Ahh... Good times...." Kuja said happily, smiling like a mad man, while prodding Sephiroth.   
"Urm... We should go now...." Lee suggested, grabbing one of Sephiroth's arms and dragging him to the front door. "Let's go, guys."   
Laguna stood, Helen crying as he tried to leave. "Nooo.... No weave me... Laguny-sama... ;_;"   
Laguna turned, a serious expression on his face. "I'm sorry. But...I must go! The world needs me! I need to go...to protect you..."   
Helen sobbed and kissed Laguna on the nose. "*sniffles* But...I nweed yoo, too..."   
Laguna blinked away a tear and began to sing "My Heart Will Go On", Helen joining in. They sang the whole darn song.   
Maia, three worlds over, began to scream. "AAAHHH!!! KILL IT!!! NO GOOD!!! ME SMASH SONG!!!!" *rage* *anger*   
Xelloss smiled. "It's a nice song.. I've never heard it before... *sigh*"   
"ME SMASH!!! KILL!!! MAIA SMASH SONG!!!!!" Maia stomped around in primeval anger, incoherent.   
Cloud looked over at Maia, then crept towards her and patted her on the head. "Cloud calm Maia?"   
Maia sighed, sitting on the ground, rubbing her temples. "I despise that song. I've heard it many too many times..."   
Xelloss smiled. "It's a nice song. Very purty."   
"NOT IF YOU'VE HEARD IT A MILLION TIMES!!!!" She took another deep breath, sprawled out on the ground and took a nap.   
Cloud and Xelloss sweatdropped. 

------------------------- 

TBC   
  



	6. It's a whole new world

Maia: Happy New Year. It's late, yes... I'm sorry. Enjoy. 

------------------------- 

Lee, Sephiroth, Laguna, Rikku and Auron stepped into the door of Maia and Lee's castle, dressed in Hawaiian clothes.   
"Woah! That was a fun trip to Hawaii! Woo!" Lee cried, slumping down on a bean bag chair.   
"....How'd we get here?" Sephiroth asked, terribly confused.   
"Yeah... I mean, we were just in Kuja's house..." Rikku said insightfully.   
"We stepped out of the door, then, suddenly, we're here, dressed in Hawaiian clothes, claiming we had just come back from Hawaii...." Auron muttered.   
"......"   
Lee shrugged. "Meh. It's a clean lift. Live with it."   
Maia, Cloud and Xelloss dashed in, coming out of a door. Maia sported an Eevee on her head. "AH! That was not a good place!" Maia cried.   
"Where were you?" Lee asked.   
"You wanna see?!" Maia cried again, stepping on a button on the floor. A large screen came down and a video clip appeared.   
Utena and Anthey walked through the rose garden, happily, smiling at each other. Maia ran past, screaming bloody murder, a crowd of girls racing after her, hearts in their eyes.   
"Maia-sama! Come back! You're soo cool and so kawaii! WAI!!!" the girls all cried cutely.   
"LEAVE ME ALONE!! I'M NOT BI!!!!" Maia screamed, hiding behind Cloud. Xelloss smiled as winningly as he could, but the girls all looked past him, and Cloud, to Maia.   
"Leave me alone..... Let's leave! We gotta leave! Leave now!" Maia cried, running off with Cloud and Xelloss to the door where they could transport out.   
The video clip ended and Cloud sighed, shaking his head. "It wasn't that bad you know...."   
"I HAD A GIRL TELL ME THAT, if I was willing, SHE'D SHAG ME IN A HEARTBEAT!!!"   
"......" Cloud remained silent. "Okay, it was a good thing we left...."   
Maia hugged her Eevee tightly. "*sniffles*"   
Xelloss looked over at Lee and company. "So, where were you?"   
"Apparently Hawaii. Surprising, isn't it?" Lee said.   
"Hrm... We thought we saw you on a beach while were there...." Xelloss said thoughtfully.   
"Well, we don't remember a thing of it," Sephiroth informed Xell.   
"...Are you sure you weren't terribly drunk?" Cloud asked.   
"Yep."   
"Well, while you were....lost in time and space... We went to many places."   
"Like...?" Lee ventured.   
"Uh, lesse..." Maia began to name them off in rapid succession. "CardCaptors world, Digimon worlds, Escaflowne world, Yu-Gi-Oh! world, Medabots world, Pokemon world, and, of course, the Utena world. Whee!"   
"Wow," all of the heroes said.   
"....So...what now?" Cloud asked. Xelloss leaned on the wall, muttering for no reason.   
Lee pondered for a moment. Abruptly, she gasped. "I KNOW WHERE WE NEED TO GO!"   
"Where?" everyone cried.   
"The KINGDOM HEARTS WORLD!!!" Lee did a little happy dance, grinning.   
"............. Why?" Maia asked.   
"Hee hee hee hee! I need to marry Riku, though he doesn't know it! And, of course, we need to go and see handsome Ansem. He's ALWAYS going on about darkness, but, we should really get to know him! He's a funny guy. ^_^"   
Auron arched an eyebrow. "Why do you want to marry Rikku?" he asked, pointing at Rikku, who backed away.   
"No! The Riku in Kingdom Hearts! He's a guy!" she said with big grins. "A pretty guy!"   
Sephiroth suddenly broke into big crocodile tears, right in the middle of the disgusted silence. He fell to his knees and cried and cried. Lee patted him on the head.   
"Don't worry, love! I can marry you, and Riku, and a WHOLE load of other guys!"   
"Other guys?!" Sephiroth wailed. He sobbed for a moment, then suddenly stopped the tears, stood, composed, and went over to Maia.   
"Where's the door to Kingdom Hearts?"   
"Over there," she said. "Why?"   
"I need to...do some....stuff....somewhere.... >_> ... _" he said suspiciously.   
Maia looked at him, then at Lee, then at the stairs leading to the door, then back to Sephy. Silently, she handed him the manual for Kingdom Hearts, flipped open to a page and pointed to it. "That's him..." she muttered. Sephiroth took it, folded it neatly and placed it in his pocket, before walking up the stairs as Maia directed him. "Yep. That's the one. That door there."   
He stood at the top of the stairs. "My assassination plans shall be flawless!" He dissolved into a bout of terribly villainous laughter, then dashed off.   
"....Assassination?" Cloud asked.   
"...Assassinate who?" Lee questioned.   
"Uh...duh...." Maia commented, eyes half closed in exasperation.   
"No, really, who?" Xelloss said.   
"Riku, of course!" Laguna exclaimed.   
"WHAT? WHY?" Lee cried.   
Laguna smiled. Holding up his hand, he ticked off his points on his fingers. "Lee want marry Riku. Sephy want marry Lee. Sephy go hurt Riku. Ta da! I is smrt! Yay!" He grinned. (A/N: That spelling error is intentional....)   
Maia arched an eyebrow. "Your intelligence amazes me."   
Laguna did a happy dance. "I have edamucation!" (A/N: So's that one...)   
"You're a walking paradox..." Maia commented.   
He started doing the "It's your birthday!" dance. "Go I! And my edamucation! Go me! And my edamucation!"   
Everyone watched him in silence for a moment, before Auron and Rikku stated the obvious: "Shouldn't we go and stop Sephiroth? I mean...he is out to kill someone..."   
"Oh, yeah!" Lee cried. "Let's go!" They all dashed up the stairs, besides Maia and Cloud, who strolled up the stairs, amused expressions in their faces.   
Everyone jumped into the Kingdom Hearts door, Cloud and Maia slowly following. Cloud went "Pop!" and disappeared. Maia blinked. "What in the...?"   
Everyone landed with a bump on the grounds of Traverse Town. Laguna didn't bother to get up, for he had somehow acquired a book and was reading it. Lee looked closer and saw that the book "Go Dog! Go!" -_-   
"Anyways....." she muttered. Everyone got to their feet, Maia running in circles.   
"WHERE'S CLOUD?! WHERE'S CLOUD?!" she wailed, jumping up and down. Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself. "Someone tell me where he is..." Everyone glanced at her, with arched eyebrows. "NOW....." she hissed. Everyone's eyes grew wide with fear.   
Lee flipped through her player's guide for Kingdom Hearts. "Cloud's in this game! Could it be that, since he exists in both our world AND the Kingdom Hearts world that he has somehow...merged into one? Or, maybe both Cloud's were too much for this one world, and he disappeared altogether!" She glanced at everyone with a serious, glarey expression. "We're through the looking glass here, people...."   
Everyone stared at her in fear. "What?" she asked, grinning. "I had to look smart in at least ONE point in this fic!"   
Maia made a face. "You're not even smart in real life! >_>"   
"I'm smart! I get good grades! I'm just insane!" Lee protested. "Look! It's a monkey!!!!" she cried and dashed towards a tree, giggling and running in circles around the tree, where there was really no monkey...   
Auron and Rikku smirked. "She really IS insane..." they quipped together.   
"No...she's just doing this to spite me...." Maia muttered. Grabbing Lee, she pointed her in a direction. "Look! There's Riku!" she told Lee.   
"RIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKUUUUUU!!!!" Lee screamed and dashed towards Riku and literally glomped him. Sitting on top of him, she huggled him to bits, before he even knew what had happened.   
"Wha...?" he asked, dazed. He shook his pretty silver hair from his eyes and blinked. "Who...?"   
"Riku! Riku! Riku! Riku! Riku! Riku!" she cried, every time she huggled him. "I'm here to marry you!"   
"Huh? O_O" he asked, trying to breathe.   
"I'm gonna maaaaarry you! RikuRikuRikuRikuRikuRiku!" She hugged him some more.   
Maia made another face. "Now that that disgusting display of overcrush is over..." Lee continued to hug a dazed and confused Riku. "I said OVER!" Lee glared at Maia and got to her feet, pulling Riku up, then jumped on him and rode piggy back on him, her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his waist. 

(A/N: Lee: Bliss! ^o^ And not sick bliss, you crazy people! XD   
Maia: ..... >_>) 

Riku looked around at everyone. "Wha? O_o"   
Lee grinned. "I'm Lee! And I'm gonna marry you! ^o^"   
".....O_o"   
Lee huggled him some more. "Aww.... You're so cute!"   
Riku grinned. "I can't argue with that, though I'd say I'm more...terribly bishounen, than cute...."   
Lee giggled and pinched his cheeks (A/N: Baby fat! ^o^).   
Maia rolled her eyes. "This is sooooo dumb... We need to find Cloud!" She thought for a moment. "And Sephiroth..." she said, as an afterthought. "If you'll excuse me..." She snapped her fingers and suddenly her clothes shimmered and altered. Whee! Kingdom Hearts type clothes!" She looked down at her feet. "Ah! Oh.... Big shoes... Big...Disney....shoes..." She winced.   
Riku looked at her. "Disney?"   
Lee giggled and snapped her fingers, her clothes changing too. "Whee! Big shoes! Big kawaii shoes!" She swung her feet a couple of times. Maia made a face. She took off one of her shoes and threw it at Lee.   
"Gah! Ow, ow, ow, ow..." Lee cried. Riku blinked.   
"Ohh... Don't hurt her..."   
Maia muttered darkly and picked up the shoe and took off her other one and stuffed them both with paper. "How am I gonna walk in these....?" she snarled.   
They all started off in the direction of...wait, where ARE they going? O_o   
"Where ARE we going?" Xelloss asked. Maia razzed him.   
"We're going....there!" She pointed at a large dark tower, dark clouds forming around it.   
"Why there?" he asked once more. She razzed him again.   
"Because! You always hit the evil looking places first!"   
Suddenly Leon, Aerith and Yuffie ran in. Laguna stared at Leon with wide eyes.   
"OH MY HOLY FREAKIN' GOD!" Yuffie screamed. "When did THAT--" she pointed at the tower "--get there?!" She bounced around, flinging herself onto Leon's back. "SQUALL! TELL ME!"   
"That's Leon! ...*mumble* >_>" he muttered at her, throwing her off at Aerith. Aerith caught Yuffie and dumped her unceremoniously to the ground.   
"I think it's some evil presence!" she cried, striking a pose.   
"....Well, no, really?" Leon said sarcastically.   
Maia nodded at Leon. "I like your attitude!" She went over to him and stuck out her hand. "I'm Maia! ^____^v"   
Lee giggled while still riding Riku piggyback.   
"Uh... This is our group!" Maia cried, laughing a little. Leon nodded. "Xelloss, Auron, Rikku-female, Laguna, Riku-male, and....the crazy one... Her name is Lee.... >_>"   
"I resent that!" Lee cried, glaring at Maia.   
"Yeah, well.... >_>"   
There was a long awkward silence, and a tumbleweed rolled across the ground. Auron broke the silence by squealing and chasing after the tumbleweed, stomping it into little bits.   
"Uh....?" Leon asked, arching an eyebrow.   
"He has a bit of an...issue....with tumbleweeds..." Xelloss supplied quietly, shaking his head sympathetically.   
"..." Leon said nothing.   
"..... Let's go to the castle!" Lee cried, huggling Riku around the neck. Riku gagged a little, grinning foolishly.   
"Help...me..." he squeaked pitifully.   
"But, we need to find Cloud!"   
"Castle!"   
"Cloud!"   
"Castle!"   
"Cloud!"   
"Cas--"   
"Shut up!" Leon shouted, placing his hand over Maia's mouth, while taking off his shoe and throwing it at Lee, who got knocked unconscious. She slid off of Riku's back. Riku jumped around.   
"I'm free!" he cried happily. Then he kneeled beside Lee and tried to fan her awake. "Aww... Poor girl.... She's nice, just...scary. O_o"   
Maia glared at Leon. "We have to find CLOUD!"   
"You worry about him abnormally much..." Aerith said.   
Yuffie giggled like a little school girl. "SOMEone likes SOMEone else!"   
"...." Maia said nothing.   
Leon patted Maia on the head. "Ah, yes, the dots. A great conversational asset."   
"...."   
"Holy HELL, you're good at that!" Leon cried, giving Maia a big thumbs up.   
Maia fumed and smacked Leon over the head. "Gah! Crazy people! >_"   
"SOMEone likes SOMEone else!" Yuffie said again, in a singsong voice. Maia tackled her and placed a hand over the ninja's mouth.   
"Quiet you...." Maia hissed poisonously.   
Rikku stepped in, Auron at her side. "I THINK we've determined this fact, so let's forget about it and go into the castle, ne?"   
Maia glared and stood and brushed herself off, scowling around at everyone, even at Lee, who was just waking up, and had had nothing to do with the argument. Riku patted Lee on the head and picked her up, holding her in his arms.   
Sitting in the shadows of an alley, a dark figure watched them, its eyes narrowed. It turned, to go deeper into the shadows, but smashed into a garbage can, knocking it over. The figure cursed, trying to pick it up, but only failed and knocked over another garbage can, which, for some reason, was filled with marbles. The marbles tumbled out over the concrete ground, making even more noise. The figure swore and turned to run away, tripping over one of the lids and falling forwards, face first into a brick wall. Sephiroth fell backwards, knocking over another garbage can in the process, which had jingle bells in it, which all clattered to the ground, ringing as well.   
Amazingly, no one seemed to notice all of this, or even hear it. -_-   
The whole party began to walk away, in the direction of the castle/tower thingy.   
Sephiroth lay in the alleyway, completely unconscious. A walking teenage girl passed Sephiroth, halted and looked back at him. She giggled and grabbed his hand, dragging him away.   
"Ooh! You're coming with me! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho! That'll show Sora for cheating on me with Riku! Yes, yes it will!"   
Why would raping Sephiroth have any affect on Sora? I dunno. Only in Kairi's twisted little mind does this work....   
Poor Sephiroth. 

--------------------- 

TBC 

Disclaimer: We do not own Final Fantasy, any animes mentioned, or Kingdom Hearts. 


	7. Insanity is a way of life

Maia: Heh... go on, read. Disclaimers apply for the whole story.   
--------------------- 

Lee swung her feet, in her "big kawaii Disney shoes", giggling, as Riku carried her.   
Riku smiled foolishly, shaking his head. "Uh... Do you know a Sora?"   
"No.... Who's she?"   
"Uh... she...yes.... >_>.... _ ....Well, you see.... 'she' is my....'girl'friend...."   
Maia made a face. "You're very stupid Lee. Stupid indeed."   
"You know Sora? Who's she? Who!? Tellll meeeee!!!" she wailed.   
Maia shook her head. "Like Riku said... his....'girl' friend.... *mumble* Baka...."   
"*cry**wail**complain* I wannna knnnnooowww....." Lee cried. "Why won't you tell meeeeee?!"   
"We already told you..." Maia glared.   
Lee clutched her hands together, her eyes turning into big chibi/Bambi eyes. "I want my Sephy back....@__@"   
"That's your fault!" Maia yelled. "And, now, Sephiroth is out to kill him--" she pointed at Riku "--and Cloud is lost! Gah!"   
Riku sweatdropped and fell over. "Kill ME? What did I ever do to him?"   
Lee wailed. "Nooo! And, now Sephy-sama is loooost!"   
Riku patted her on the back. Looking up, he saw Sora. Riku giggled and jumped to his feet, racing over to Sora and glomping him. They both tumbled to the ground, Sora beneath Riku.   
"Riku! Yaaaay!" Sora huggled Riku, who huggled him back. They both started kissing each other.   
Lee sat there silently. ".....Oh! How kawaii! ^^" She ran over to Sora and Riku and huggled them both. "Be happy! Yaaaay!"   
Sora blinked. "Who's she?"   
"Apparently my wife. O_o"   
Sora giggled. "Silly Riku." 

------------------------------ 

Sephy awoke, in the little abandoned house in Third District, Kairi sitting in a chair beside him. She grinned evilly when he opened his eyes.   
"Kee hee hee hee. And, now for the LOVE MAKING!" she cried and pounced on him.   
"For the love of Jeebus!" Sephiroth cried, throwing Kairi off of him and dashing out, screaming, into the dark Third District.   
Kairi sat on the ground, pounding her fists. "Now I'll NEVER be able to get back at Sora!" She pounded the ground again and a spider bit her. A big lump formed on her hand. "Owwwie!" She kissed the bite lovingly and stood, glaring down at the spider. "See you in hell, punk." She stepped on it with all of her tiny little might.   
As she squished the spider, another one crawled out, and another, and another. A bunch of spiders all stood around Kairi. She blinked. "Gah? O_O"   
All of the spiders attacked her at once. Kairi's tiny screams could be heard throughout Traverse Town.   
Poor Kairi. 

-------------------------- 

The group looked up. "Did you just hear someone scream?" Xelloss asked.   
Riku and Sora looked at each other. "Sounded like Kairi -_-," they said in unison.   
Maia glared. "Who cares! Let's find Cloud and get out of here! My feet hurt."   
Lee patted Maia on the head. "We should go and help Kairi. She sounded....not too happy... O_o"   
Maia glared.   
Lee grinned and set off in the way of the scream. Maia threw up her hands and grabbed Xelloss by the arm and dragged him off in a different direction. "I need to think," she mumbled.   
Lee and the others set off towards Kairi in the Third District. 

---------------------------- 

Maia and Xelloss sat in a restaurant, conversing about where they might find Cloud. The door opened and someone snuck in, though they were breathing loudly, panting.   
Maia grinned. "Sephiroth. If you're gonna try to kill someone, do it right."   
Sephiroth collapsed into a chair next to Maia. "That's not the problem anymore! Do you KNOW what I just went though?!"   
"Ja?" Xelloss asked.   
"A little girl tried to RAPE ME to get back at her boyfriend!" he cried, shuddering. "I've never been so afraid in my life. Not when Jenova manipulated me, not when Cloud tried to kill me, on several occasions, not....well...NEVER!" He rubbed his hands on his arms. "Must...cleanse....self....."   
Maia stared at Sephiroth. "Can girls even rape guys? O_o"   
Sephy shivered and huddled in his chair.   
Xelloss arched an eyebrow. "Isn't it easier for a guy to rape a girl?"   
Maia gasped. "SEPHIROTH!"   
"Wha?!" Sephy cried, jerking backwards and falling out of his chair.   
"WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?!"   
"Nothing! Gah! I swear! Do I LOOK like I was doing anything besides running?!" he protested, looking kind of hurt.   
"Yeah, running, or maybe having hot steamy s--" Xelloss cut off as Maia whapped him over the head. XD   
"You and your dirty, dirty little brain... -_-" Maia muttered, as Xelloss rubbed the forming lump on his temple.   
Maia held up a sign. "I need a new sidekick!" she called. The sign said "sidekick needed for hire".   
Xelloss shook his head. "Nu, nu, Maia-chan. Call someone over, and I shall kill them. I have taken quite a liking to you, though I know I'll never stand up to Cloud... T_T"   
"Why do you like me?" Maia asked, a slightly disgusted look on her face.   
Xelloss giggled. "Sore wa himitsu desu," he said slyly, wagging his index finger and winking.   
Maia sweatdropped. "Aren't you in love with Filia?" she asked, pointing to her badge/button on her shirt with a picture of kawaii chibi Xelloss and Filia hugging. It said "X and F forever" on it.   
Maia grinned, holding out a box with a bunch of the buttons. "Support! ^o^"   
Xelloss grabbed the box of buttons, looking through. "Hrm... Takari, Taiora... Mimato, Takumi... What else...? Vash and Meryl... Milly and Wolfwood... Joey and Mai... Van and Hitomi... WuFei and Sally... Garet and Jenna... I see no Cloud/Aerith or Tifa! Or, the lovely Cloud/Sephiroth.... Where are the Cloud buttons!? He goes with a lot of people, the slut!"   
"..."   
"CONFESS! YOU HAVE HIDDEN THE BUTTONS OF CLOUD!"   
"..."   
"AUG!" He threw down the box of buttons and stormed out of the building.   
"And Xelloss has LEFT the building," Sephiroth remarked loftily. He watched Maia dive to the ground, picking up her buttons lovingly, kissing each of them before putting them safely back in their box.   
Sephiroth sweatdropped. "He's a few pickles short of a full jar, a'int he?" Maia, cool and composed now that her buttons were safe in their box, nodded. "Yes, indeed, he is. T_T" 

--------------------- 

Sora, Riku, Lee, and the rest of the party raced into the abandoned house in Third District. They all gasped.   
Kairi sat on the floor, playing with all the spiders, giggling and laughing.   
...No, wait, they weren't playing, they were biting and chewing at her, and she wasn't giggling, she was screaming in pain. They sounded very much the same.   
Sora grinned. "It'd be hard to help her... We could step on her trying to squish the spiders..."   
Riku nodded sagely. "Yes indeed, we could."   
Kairi squealed. "HELP ME, YOU FOOLS!" she shrieked in anger, bites popping up all over her face and arms and legs.   
Those weird clowns from Dumbo ran in, each carrying a fire extinguisher. They all shouted, "FIRE!" and sprayed Kairi with the extinguishers in unison.   
As they sprayed Kairi and the spiders, all of the spiders collectively died, making a Pacman dying noise. They all dropped off of Kairi.   
"Yay!" Kairi screamed, jumping up and down on the spiders. "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIIIEEEE!!!!"   
Everyone sweatdropped. "......"   
There was an awkward silence, as Kairi stared at Riku and Sora, who took a step back, clutching each other's hands.   
Suddenly the roof collapsed as someone very red dropped through it. He stood, shaking his head to clear it.   
"Wah. All I remember is the pain, the anger, the sorrow... DAMN FEI! GOD! WHY DOES HE HAVE TO RUIN MY LIFE!" The red man suddenly burst into angry tears, as everyone stared at him, and blinked.   
Lee gasped. "ID!" She glomped him and hugged him tight. "Poor Id. T_T"   
Id blinked. "Wah?" He started to cry and rage again. "WHY?! WHY DO TERRIBLE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO *ME*?! WHY ME! OH WOE, OH SORROW, OH PAIN!"   
Lee blinked. "Cam down... o_o"   
"I CAN'T CALM DOWN! IF YOU WERE A BEING MADE UP ENTIRELY OF HATRED, WOULD *YOU* BE ABLE TO CALM DOWN?! NO! IT'S NOT EASY BEING A SCHIZOPHRENIC! WE ARE NOT A HAPPY PERSON!"   
Lee let go of Id and took a couple steps back. "I think we need to...see other people...?"   
"I'M A SCHIZOPHRENIC! I AM OTHER PEOPLE!" he wailed. "WHY DOES EVERYONE LEAVE ME?!"   
Lee blinked, then patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry. I won't leave you ever again..." She looked over to everyone else, who all took steps back.   
Auron and Rikku-female both quipped, "Damn! He's INSANE!" They blinked at each other. "My GOD! You're smart!" they said to one another in unison. They stared at each other for a moment, then threw themselves at each other and started to make out crazily.   
Id stared. "That a'int right. O_O"   
Riku-male and Sora giggled, then Maia ran in, and shouted, "WHERE IS CLOUD?! WHERE IS XELLOSS?! WHERE IS SEPHIROTH!?"   
Lee blinked. "They all left you?"   
"First Xelloss left--"   
"Why?" Laguna asked.   
"Uhm... No reason.... >_> _" Maia said, looking away. ~They don't know about my button obsession,~ she said to herself, ~and I plan to keep it that way...~   
Lee blinked. She looked at Id. "Awwww.... I can't look at him without feeling sad. T_T"   
Auron looked up, with lipstick on his face. "You saw Sephiroth? Where?"   
"Uh... >_> _ ...Crap.... Uh... No where! I saw a...tall black pillar...with a....bed sheet on it... >_> _ Yeah..." Maia nodded. "Yeah... I thought it was Sephiroth... Sorry...."   
Lee cried. "Where's MY SEPHY!?" She wailed, and Id patted her on the head, awkwardly, then twitched a bit, clenching his teeth.   
"DIE FEI!" he screamed in a sudden outburst.   
Maia blinked. "Interesting.... Are you a schizophrenic?"   
Id glared. "Yes, yes we are...."   
"Wow. I've never had a chance to talk to a real schizophrenic..."   
Id glared, and clapped his hands slowly. "Good job... -_-"   
Maia blinked. "May I ask you some things?"   
"No."   
"...okay..." Maia grinned. "We have lots of psychos on this quest. ^_^" She pointed to everyone individually. "Lee, who has obsessive compulsive disorder."   
"Hey!" She huggled Id, then Riku, then Sora, then huggled Id again.   
"Laguna, who has the mind of a four year old."   
"BUTTERFLY!"   
"Auron has tumbleweedaphobia."   
"AHHH!!! THERE'S ONE NOW!" Auron jumped up away from Rikku-female and beat at a tumbleweed with his sword.   
"Kairi has problems with revenge and letting go of things."   
"I WANT MY SORA! I'LL KILL YOU, RIKU!" She lunged at Riku, and Sora beat her over the head until she passed out. Riku started to cry and Sora comforted him.   
"Sephiroth and Cloud are both injured lover/stalker peoples, and... I think that's it..." Maia grinned. "Yep. ^_^ And now we can add a real schizophrenic to our repertoire."   
Id twitched. "NO! FEI! YOU HAVE TO STAY AWAY!!! AUG!" He slapped himself in the face. "STAY IN, FEI FONG WONG!"   
Lee stared. "Uh..." She huggled Id again.   
Id started to cry again. "See? I get love when I'm like this. LOVE! MUST YOU TAKE EVERYTHING FROM ME, FEI?!"   
Lee patted Id on the head. "Don't worry. We'll tell Fei to stay away..."   
"But, he's my better half! He always wins! I always lose."   
Maia started to think. "Maybe... Maybe if we split your personalities...into different bodies?"   
Id shook his head. "No!" He huggled himself. "I like my body."   
Maia blinked. "Put Fei in a different body?"   
Id grinned. "Okay! He doesn't deserve to look this good, anyway," he said pompously. Lee stared at Maia as she paced.   
"Hrm... I think I will start to run tests on this... ONCE WE GET MY CLOUD BACK!" Maia wailed.   
"You will. We'll get Xelloss too. But...you couldn't stand Cloud in the last story..." Lee reminded Maia.   
".....shut up." She sniffled. "I kinda like him following me around..."   
Lee gasped. "MAIA? ARE YOU OKAY?!" She ran over to Maia and felt her forehead, checking for fever.   
"Wha?"   
"Maia? Showing human emotions? MY GOD!" Lee said in surprise.   
Maia glared. "YOU DIE NOW!" She leapt up and chased after Lee, who yelped and ran away.   
Lee hid behind Id. "Save me! I took you in. @_@"   
Id nodded. "I'll see what I can do..." He glanced at the oncoming Maia. "Uh..." He held up a hand. "Stop! ...In the name...of...love? o_O"   
"Uh.... Not working!" Lee cried, clinging to Id. She dashed off, as Maia got too close. Lee skidded out the door, Maia following. Everyone blinked.   
Rikku-female nodded. "I think she has a slight case of multiple personalities..."   
Id nodded. "Welcome to our world..."   
Outside, Lee escaped from Maia, hiding behind Xelloss, who had appeared from nowhere. "SAVE ME!"   
"Nani?" Xelloss asked, staring at her...with his closed eyes. n_n   
"MAIA'S GONNA KILL ME!"   
"Ohhhh... ja." He stepped forward, stopping Maia by huggling her around the shoulders. "Stop! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! STOP, MAIA-CHAN! Just think of what you're doing... @_@"   
"Heh?" She blinked, then pulled her eraser and pencil out of her pocket, then threw them at Lee. Lee winced, then grinned. Maia smiled, all happy again.   
"Yay," Lee beamed.   
"That was it?" Xelloss asked.   
"Yep," Maia and Lee said in unison.   
"'kay....."   
"Xelloss?" Maia asked.   
"Hmn?"   
"Let me go. -_-"   
Xelloss looked a little sad, huggled Maia once more, then let her go. "Hai, Maia-chan. u_u"   
Maia patted his purple hair, then grinned. She shoved Xelloss over to Lee, who glomped and huggled Xelloss. "Yay!" Lee cried. "YAY!"   
Xelloss sweatdropped, so did Maia. Maia grinned. ~If I get Filia over here, then Xelloss can be happy!~   
She picked up her computer, typing on it for a minute, then, suddenly, Filia appeared out of nowhere. The blonde looked around.   
"Nani?" She spotted Xelloss. "Xelloss!" She ran for him.   
"Filia?" Xelloss looked up.   
Maia grinned, and watched as they, almost in slow motion, ran for each other. Just before they looked like they were going to embrace, though, Filia pulled out her gigantic mace, and clonged Xelloss over the head, knocking the poor mage out. "GARBAGE! TRASH! WORTHLESS RUBBISH!" she screeched.   
Maia watched with wide eyes. "That was unexpected... O_O"   
Lee shook her head. "You haven't watched enough Slayers..."   
"Darnit!" She took out a notepad and scribbled on it "Remember to watch Slayers..."   
Maia glanced up. "Hey... We haven't done anything about that Big Black Castle yet..."   
"Yeah.. What's up with that Big Black Castle?" Lee asked. She stooped down beside Xelloss and patted his smashed in head, as Filia stalked off angrily.   
"I don't know... Wait! I have a theory!" Maia cried.   
"What's that?" Lee asked.   
"It looks like Dr. 666's place!"   
"It does?"   
"Yes.... See... It's his Ultra Secret Lab, situated in his brand new Big Black Castle. See, we destroyed him in our world, so he's hiding out in this world. Get it?"   
"Ohhhh... I wonder what he's doing right now..." Lee asked. 

TBC. 

Maia: ...I am so weird in this chapter.... X__x 


	8. There's no other word but WEIRD

  
Maia: Short chapter. Sorry. 

------------------------   
In Dr. 666's Ultra Secret Lab, in his brand new Big Black Castle...   
------------------------ 

"What am I doing right now? WHAT AM I DOING RIGHT NOW?!" Dr. 666 sat in a high backed chair, tapping his stubby fingers together in a very Mr Burns-like manner. "Excellent..."   
There was a knock at the door. "Can I come in?"   
"Yeah, yeah..." Dr. 666 waved his hand.   
The door opened and a silver-haired man came in, carrying a tray. "I don't like making iced tea for you!" the man protested. "Uh...darkness..."   
"Too bad."   
"But, darkness conquers all, and I can't help the darkness win, if I'm getting iced tea for you!" The man handed Dr. 666 his iced tea, then threw the tray on the ground. "It's no darkness fair!"   
"Too BAD, Ansem!" Dr. 666 sipped his iced tea, gave a happy sigh, then turned to Ansem, who had started to throw a temper tantrum. "You make REALLY good iced tea! No one else can make iced tea this well, so you must make iced tea for me!"   
Ansem stopped his hissy fit, and asked, with a big grin, "Can it be iced tea of darkness?"   
Dr. 666 shook his head in exasperation. "Sure, you do that."   
"YAY FOR DARKNESS!" Ansem cried in delight and skipped from the room, singing quietly, "Dark, dark, darky, darkness."   
Dr. 666 rubbed his temples. "Ugh. Idiot."   
"NO!" Ansem cried, running back to Dr. 666. "NO! I am Handsome Ansem! Darkness!"   
"Indeed."   
"Yeah! Darkness rules! Darkness roxxorz your soxxorz!"   
"..." Dr. 666 rubbed his temples again, and, wisely, said nothing.   
Ansem skipped from the room once more, singing, "Darkness roxxorz your soxxorz, yes it dooooeeessssssss..."   
Dr. 666 sighed and shook his head, mumbling incoherently.   


----------------------   
Back to US! YAY!   
---------------------- 

"Does anyone have any knowledge of this world?" Maia asked, glaring at everyone. "We need to get into that castle!"   
Sora, Riku, and Kairi (who was being civil at the moment), glanced at each other. "Um....us? ....Durr..."   
"...Yeah... You guys... So...what's that castle?"   
"Dunno," Sora replied simply.   
"...."   
"Wha? It's Dr. 666's Big Black Castle! We don't know exactly what it is!" Riku cried.   
"...You just said what it was..." Lee mumbled.   
"Wow."   
"Well, I say we go to the Coliseum first!" Maia proclaimed.   
"You would!" Lee protested. "I say we go find Sephiroth!"   
"Cloud!"   
"Sephiroth!"   
"Cloud!"   
"Sephiroth!"   
"CLOUD!"   
"SEPHIROTH!"   
"CLOUUUUDDDDD!"   
"SEEEEEEEPPPPPPHHHHHYYYY!"   
"CLO!"   
"SEPH!"   
"CLOUDY!   
"SEPHY!"   
They screamed each of the guys names in unison, and it came out something like "SCELPOHUDYYYYYY!"   
"There's candy at the Coliseum..." Maia said.   
"CANDY?! WHERE?!"   
"At the Coliseum....Pixie Stix...Your favourite..."   
"TO THE COLISEUM!"   
"Yay."   
Lee and Laguna ran off in an unknown direction, screaming "CANDYYYYY!!!!"   
Riku, Sora, and Kairi blinked. "Not that way... Gummi ship is in the other direction..."   
"'kay. We'll wait for them. They'll get around to the ship eventually..." Maia stated. 

----------------   
Half an hour later   
----------------- 

Everyone was sitting on the Gummi ship, quite content. The ship was set on auto pilot, so, no one needed to steer. Instead, they all sat there, reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. But, since Lee and Maia had finished it the day it had been released, they were camped behind a wall of manga. Maia read some Shaman King, Lee read Black Cat. Lee also gnawed at the Gummi ship, trying to eat bits of it.   
"Why is it called Gummi ship?" Lee questioned. "It doesn't even taste like Gummi."   
"It's made of steel," Riku said absently.   
"Why is it so misleadingly named, then!?"   
"'cause."   
"...."   
"Anywaaayy..." Maia interrupted. "Are we getting there soon?"   
"Yep. We arrived ten minutes ago," Sora explained, marking his place in his book.   
"WHAT?" Maia stood and looked around, scowling at the Coliseum gates. "Why didn't you tell me?" 

>_>_>_>_>_>HARRY POTTER OotP SPOILERS AHEAD_>_>_>_>_   


"Cho just kissed Harry! You think I want to put it down?" Sora asked, looking a little perturbed. Riku patted Sora on the head.   
"Well, Umbridge just did that evil detention thingy in my book. What a BITCH!" he said, frowning.   
"Wow. You're way behind me," Kairi laughed. "Mean mean James just hurt Snape. Poor Snapey-poo."   
"I'm there too," Auron nodded.   
Xelloss cried. "I just started. They only reached"--he drew himself up and said in a falsetto voice--"The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black."   
Laguna giggled. "I'm further than you all! I'm on page eight!"   
"............"   
Rikku, sitting in the corner, raptly caught in the book, suddenly started crying. "NO! SIRIUS JUST DIED!" she wailed.   
Everyone cried out indignantly, then raced at her and beat her with their books, chasing her out of the Gummi Ship and into the Coliseum, Lee and Maia following.   


>_>_>_>_>_>_>_>_END SPOILERS_>_>_>_>_>_>_ 

Inside the Coliseum, they were all halted by Phil the faun. "Three words for you guys! STOP!"   
Everyone blinked. "'kayyyy..."   
"We need to find Cloud!" Maia cried. "Is he here?"   
"Cloud? Freaky guy with a red cape?"   
"I don't know! Spiky blond hair! He has spiky blond hair!"   
"Yeah. Spiky shark hair. Yep, that's him." Phil poked his thumb behind him, leading into the arena. "In there."   
They dashed in, and, to Maia's delight, Cloud was in the arena, battling a bunch of Heartless.   
"CLOUD!!!!!" Maia cried, leaping at him. She bounced off the invisible wall, surrounding the arena, which would leave once the battle was over.   
"Ugh. Let's go and wait in the stands," Maia mumbled. "I'm meeting someone there..."   
"Who?" Lee asked.   
"....>_> _... Hercules..."   
"Hercules? Why? Ew...." Lee made a disgusted face.   
"Urm..." Maia grabbed Lee's arm. "Let's go!" She dragged Lee off towards the stands. Everyone followed, like the lemmings they are!   
Someone stood, black cape flowing around him, back turned to them. His long silver hair fluttered like a flag.   
"Whozzat?" Lee asked. "That ain't the Hercules I know..."   
"Lee, are you that stupid?" Maia questioned, exasperated.   
"Wah?"   
The person turned, and they saw it was Sephiroth.   
"SEPHY-SAMA!!!" Lee cried, diving at him and glomping him around the waist. Sephy grinned.   
"Yay."   
"Yay," Lee mimicked, huggling Sephy some more, grinning.   
"Yay."   
"Yay."   
"Yay."   
"Yay."   
"Shush, you guys," Maia mumbled. "Let's get Cloudy."   
They all waited, watching Cloud battle it out in the arena. He finally finished off the Heartless, slashing a Shadow in half, and it burst into light.   
"Pyreflies!" Auron cried, bursting into tears. Rikku, slightly alarmed, comforted him.   
The barrier went down, and Maia jumped up and walked casually down to the arena, towards Cloud, who grinned.   
"Hey," he said, casual as well.   
"Yo," she replied.   
They stood in front of each other for a moment, then Cloud burst into tears and huggled Maia fiercely. "Oh! I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but, here we are!"   
"Yeah," Maia gasped; he was crushing her lungs.   
Xelloss suddenly swooped in and siezed them both in a hug, and cried, "I told myself I wouldn't cry either, but, look at me!"   
Cloud stopped his tears, and blinked. "What are you doing, Xelloss?"   
"Uhhh... Sore wa himitsu desu," Xelloss said, backing away and wagging his index finger.   
"'kay," Cloud said, blinking again. He patted Maia on the head. "Yay."   
"Yep. I say we get out of here. My feet hurt," Maia mumbled. 

------------------------------   
  
TBC. 


End file.
